I had fun this day, but it was extremely awkward. I need a lot of work positioning my body appropriately.
I feel like I don’t deliver as a partner because I am not very sexual. Although he says he will never stray from me, I still fear. I have so much anxiety on the situation. It kills me.
I just know one day he’ll leave.
I want to tear everything a part. It’s like I turn into someone else altogether. Sometimes I imagine myself far away from everyone and everything, and I think it sounds great. Quite honestly I struggle daily with interactions. It’s hard for me to be calm with anyone, really. I judge everyone, and I mean everyone. I read them like a book, like they’re so easy. I’m a cruel human being, really. My mind always ventures to ways to manipulate people. Though I never act on it, it still kills me that those thoughts cross my mind. I love to get into peoples thoughts, Maybe because I’m so insecure about my own. I constantly have the fear that everyone in my life will abandon me. I think deep down I know that most will. This disease is a lot to deal with, and I feel one day it will kill me.